


Love Always Finds A Reason

by If I Was Your Girlfriend (Nili)



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow series - Gemma T. Leslie
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 05:52:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6143567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nili/pseuds/If%20I%20Was%20Your%20Girlfriend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Insecure Simon and insecure Baz </p><p>"Baby, sometime<br/>A man can't find words 2 express all the things he feels inside<br/>But every just so often<br/>The words of another who's truly in love seem 2 work out fine"<br/>-Betcha By Golly Wow as Performed by Prince</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Insecurities

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is my first foray into the world of fanfiction and Snowbaz fanfic. Comments and constructive criticism are welcome. Apologies for any mistakes grammar or otherwise.

Love Always Finds a Reason

Chapter 1

It’s been a rough couple of months. They weren’t exactly fighting all the time, but it was obvious that their relationship was under some sort of strain. Though, looking in from the outside maybe it wasn’t that obvious (they were still very affectionate with one another); Simon noticed that Baz was pulling away slowly. Maybe not necessarily pulling away…but he was holding himself at a distance; Simon couldn’t understand why. Simon thought things between them were good, maybe even better than good. But in the last few months something had shifted and Baz had become withdrawn.

Baz also thought things between he and Simon were good…maybe too good to be true. “How could this brave, courageous, beautiful boy be in love with me?” Baz asked himself over and over again. Simon was so selfless and giving, Baz wondered how he could be worthy of Simon’s love. Baz felt that any day now, things would change; Simon would realize they didn’t belong together and would leave Baz with a broken heart.

Simon got lost in his thoughts, wondering what he had done to make Baz pull away from him. Every time Simon said, “I love you,” Baz would playfully reply, “Yeah, right,” before responding with, “I love you, too.” It made Simon’s heart hurt a little every time Baz would reply with, “Yeah, right.” Did Baz really question Simon’s love for him? Did he really not know the depth of affection Simon held in his heart for him?

Simon had to find a way to reassure Baz of his love. But how? 

Walking downtown, Simon was swimming in his thoughts of Baz (as usual). He was trying to come up with a plan to prove to Baz that he meant it every time he told Baz, “I love you.” He wanted to erase any doubt Baz had about their relationship. 

 

Simon passed by a popular lounge and a flyer in the window grabbed his attention: OPEN TALENT NIGHT!! Right then a plan began to form in Simon’s mind. He was never good with words, always stumbling and bumbling trying to articulate his thoughts. But he was a pretty talented singer, though he was usually too shy to display his talent to anyone but the shower stall. Could he possibly muster enough courage to prove his love through song?

Baz sat on the couch reading a text book for class when Simon plotted down next him. “Hey?” Simon called out, trying to grab Baz’s attention. Baz raised an eyebrow but continued reading. “Hey!” Simon tried again, tugging on Baz’s sleeve, finally Baz lifted his face to meet Simon’s gaze. “I love you,” Simon declared. He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Baz’s lips. “Yeah, right,” Baz replied with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes….”I love you, too,” Baz offered back quietly and returned to reading his book. 

“You know, Baz, it’s been awhile since we’ve had a proper date night that didn’t consist of Netflix and takeout,” Simon began. “Why don’t we plan a date night out for a change?” Simon offered.

With his eyes still on his book, Baz replied with a sigh, “What did you have in mind, Snow?” When Simon heard Baz refer to him as Snow instead of Simon, he cringed a little but Baz was too engrossed in his book to take notice. Crowley, Baz is in a snippy mood, thought Simon.

“I was thinking we could check out the new lounge that opened up downtown? It got good reviews on its food and atmosphere. We can have a romantic evening out, maybe next Friday night?” Simon waited for a response.

Baz inhaled sharply and replied, “Let me check my schoolwork schedule and let you know. I should be free, but I want to make sure I don’t have any projects or papers due. It should be fine though; go ahead and make the necessary arrangements.”

Simon didn’t realize it, but he was holding a nervous breath which he exhaled once Baz agreed to date night. “Are you ok, love?” Simon asked pushing a lock of his boyfriend’s hair and tucking behind Baz’s ear. Baz finally looked up to meet his boyfriend’s gaze. He placed his cool hand on Simon’s cheek, rubbing his thumb over Simon’s smooth skin and the moles on his cheek. “I’m fine, Simon. Why do you ask?” Baz answered. 

“You just seem a bit…I don’t know…distracted lately. I just wanted to make sure everything is ok, that you are ok.” Simon’s heart was thumping so loudly in his chest with nervousness, he wondered if Baz could hear it, could feel it.

Again, Baz smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and replied, “I’m fine, love. Don’t worry about me. Now go make those reservations, ok?”


	2. Practice and Lies

Chapter 2

So now, Simon had a week and a half to get ready, to prepare his nerves and perfect his song. He had already signed up for Open Talent Night the afternoon he saw the flier in the lounge’s window. Thank magic Baz agreed to go out! He even met up with a vocal coach, Martin, an acquaintance he met in his music appreciation class at uni. Baz didn’t know that Simon was taking a music class. Simon wanted to surprise him by being able to talk about classical music intelligently. And though he had taken the class for Baz, he found himself having a genuine interest in what he was learning. 

So for the next week, Baz hardly saw his boyfriend. Simon would leave early and stay late to rehearse with Martin. At first, Baz didn’t think much of it…they were both busy with their classes and school work. On the Wednesday before their date night, he decided to surprise Simon by meeting him on campus for lunch. Baz usually practiced his violin in the conservatory on his lunch break while Simon used his break to start homework so he wouldn’t have so much to do when he got home. But this week, Simon used all his free to time to practice his song for Friday night.

When Baz arrived at the library, he was surprised to see that Simon was not sitting at his usual desk. In fact there was no sign of Simon anywhere in the library. Baz decided to wait for a bit; he situated himself in Simon’s usual spot and got started on his own school work. After about 30 minutes, he heard hushed voices approaching his table. He looked up and saw Simon walking over with Martin. 

“Baz! What are you doing here?” Simon exclaimed then sheepishly looked around forgetting for a moment that he was in a library. “Why aren’t you practicing your violin?” He asked, a little more quietly.

“I thought you and I could have lunch together, I wanted to surprise you,” Baz offered. He stood up to give Simon a lingering kiss and wrap him in an embrace. When he pulled away, he took notice of Martin again. “I didn’t realize you had other plans.” He cast a suspicious eye towards Martin who was standing slightly behind Simon as if trying to hide. 

“I’d love to have lunch with you!” Simon whispered excitedly. “Martin and I were just finishing up some…um...classwork together. But we’re done now.” Simon turned back to Martin to make introductions, “Martin, this is my boyfriend, Baz. Baz, this is Martin.” Martin gave a shy wave and Baz gave a curt nod in Martin’s direction. “Thanks again for your help Martin; I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Baz took Simon’s hand, lacing the other boy’s fingers with his and asked him where he wanted to eat for lunch. “Are you done with classes for the day?” (Baz knew he was) “Yes,” Simon answered. “Are you?” Baz nodded and suggested they go to their favorite bistro off campus before heading home. 

During the ride home, Baz asked, “So, what kind of project are you and Martin working on?” He glanced briefly at Simon. He was driving and didn’t want to take his eyes off the road for too long. But he glanced over long enough to notice that Simon was blushing slightly. That’s odd, Baz thought.

“Umm…nothing terribly exciting or important,” Simon was trying quickly to think of a believable fib and he was getting flustered. He hoped his boyfriend didn’t notice. But of course, Baz noticed everything. “Just some coding for our computer class.” Simon rubbed the back of head with his hand anxiously. It wasn’t totally untrue. Martin wasn’t in Simon’s computer class but was taking the same class with the same professor, just at a different time. Baz replied with a bored, “I see.” He definitely knew that Simon wasn’t telling the whole truth.

When they arrived back at their flat, both boys settled in on the couch to finish up homework. Simon arranged some sheet music he’d hidden in his calculus text book and propped the book up with his knees. He then put in his ear buds and turned on the song he was planning to surprise Baz with during their date night. It wasn’t an especially difficult song, but it was a song that was normally sung as a duet and he was planning to sing the entire song himself. He wasn’t entirely confident he could pull it off. 

This is odd, Baz thought. Simon usually never listens to music whilst studying. He said the extra noise was distracting. They usually worked in relative silence. . He could hear the soft music emanating from Simon’s ear buds. The song sounded familiar but it so muffled, Baz couldn’t recognize it.

After working on homework for a few hours, Simon got up off the couch and announced he was going to begin preparing their dinner. Baz had a little more work to finish up. He glanced up and his gaze followed Simon as he entered the kitchen. “Darling? Chicken Marsala ok for dinner?” Simon called out. “That’s fine,” the other boy answered back. Even as Baz was trying to concentrate on finishing up his assignments, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Simon was hiding something from him.

Could it be that Simon was starting to realize that he and Baz didn’t belong together? Were Simon’s feeling towards him starting to change? Was there someone else…Martin, maybe? All these doubts began to creep into Baz’s mind. He tried to shake them off, tried to convince himself that he was being paranoid and ridiculous. But what if this so called date night Simon had planned was just a way to let him down easy? Baz has always felt a little unworthy of Simon’s love, but if he actually lost Simon…his heart would be beyond broken; his world would fall apart. He tried to dispel his feelings of doubt but the knot in his stomach and the ache in his heart would not go away. 

Meanwhile, Simon was finishing up dinner preparations when he received a call on his cell phone. “Hello?” he answered. It was the program director from the lounge. “Mr. Snow? This is Marta from The Avenue. How are you?” “Hello, Marta. I’m fine, thanks. What can I do for you?” Simon replied back. “It looks like the first person in our line up for talent night backed out. I’ve had to do some adjusting to the performance lineup. I just wanted to let you know you’ll be the first performer of the evening.”

“But Marta, can’t someone else go on first? I’m not sure I’ll be ready to perform first,” Simon answered with panic in his voice. From the living room, Baz could hear Simon on the phone with someone but couldn’t quite hear Simon’s end of the conversation…it sounded like he was talking to Martin.

“Alright, Marta, I’ll be there and ready by 7:30. No, no it’s ok; I’ll work something out,” Simon conceded into the phone as Baz walked into the kitchen. “Thanks, again and goodnight.” Simon hung up the phone with a sigh. When he turned around, he was startled to find Baz standing in the doorway. “How long have you been standing there?” Simon sounded nervous. “Not long,” Baz countered. 

“Who were you talking to?” Baz questioned with one eyebrow perfectly arched. Simon blustered for a moment as he tried to come up with another fib. Running his fingers through his curls, Simon replied, “Just a classmate, he needed to get information on an assignment.” He turned back to the dinner he was preparing for himself and his boyfriend. 

Baz wanted to call Simon out on his obvious lie but thought better of it and simply asked, “Is dinner ready yet?” 

 

“Just about, can you go ahead and set the table, please?”

The boys ate silently. Simon lost in his thoughts, trying to think of a way NOT to ruin the surprise he worked so hard on for Baz. Baz all the while thinking about what his boyfriend could possibly be keeping from him.


	3. Date Night

Chapter 3

Simon would need Penny’s help to pull this off. He and Baz had reservations for 8 PM Friday night. But since he was the first performance of the evening he had to be there at 7 PM and he would go on at 8:30 to sing his song. He called Penny and explained everything he had planned for Baz’s surprise. “Simon, that’s the most beautiful thing you could do for him! Of course, I’ll help you!” Penny excitedly agreed. “Just keep him there until I go on stage,” Simon explained. “He hates it when I’m late, if you’re not there, I’m afraid he’ll leave before I perform.” 

“Don’t worry! I’ll make him stay. When you’re done performing, I’ll quietly slip out so you two can be alone.” Penny would tie Baz to his chair if she had to just to make sure he didn’t leave. “This is going to be so romantic, Simon…he’s going to be blown away!” Simon certainly hoped so.

 

Friday morning, Baz and Simon agreed to meet at the lounge for their 8 PM dinner reservation. Both boys still had classes in the day to attend before their night out. Little did Baz know that Simon was skipping his classes in order to rehearse a bit more with Martin’s help. 

That afternoon, Baz was making his way to the conservatory to practice his violin for an hour or 2 when he caught a glimpse of Simon’s beautiful bronze curls in the distance. Simon was making his way towards the auditorium…with Martin. What’s he doing at the auditorium? Baz thought. Simon should be in class right now…on the other side of campus. Baz clenched his jaw and had to resist the urge to follow the duo to the auditorium. He decided to confront Snow at dinner that evening. For now, he continued on his way to the conservatory; playing his violin always relaxed him; it gave him an escape.

 

Baz was still angry about seeing Simon with Martin that afternoon. He was annoyed that Simon had been distracted all week. He was hurt to think that Simon could be hiding things from him…or worst yet, right out lying to him. He tried to relax his mind and give Simon the benefit of the doubt. But the knot in his stomach and the ache in his heart never fully went away. He hoped spending time with Simon tonight would give him answers to the questions he was afraid of asking. 

When he arrived at the lounge at the agreed upon time, Baz was starting to feel more relaxed. Truth be told, he was actually looking forward to nice meal, quiet evening, and good music with his beloved. Those feelings of contentment slowly melted away when he was led to his table by the maître d and found Bunce seated there instead of Simon.

“Good evening, Bunce,” Baz’s voice was tinged with annoyance. “I know you and Snow are best friends, however, I didn’t expect you to join us for our date night.”

“Hello, Baz. Simon is running a tad late and asked that I keep you company until he arrives,” Penny explained. “Surely, you and I can stand to be in each other’s presences for a few minutes.”

“Of course, you know I enjoy your company Bunce…I was just looking forward to a quiet evening with Snow.” 

“Don’t worry, I don’t plan on intruding on your date. Once he arrives, I’ll make myself scarce so you guys can be alone.” Penny winked playfully at Baz. 

Baz gracefully slid into the seat opposite Penny. Maybe she knows why Simon has been acting funny lately, Baz thought to himself. He decided to see if she could shed some light on the situation. 

“Do you know why Snow is late? Why didn’t he text or call me instead of sending you to babysit me?” Baz asked. 

“He didn’t really explain. I think it might have something with a school project. I’m not quite sure.” Penny hated lying but she didn’t want to ruin Simon’s surprise. 

The pair made small talk for a few minutes as they waited. Usually, Baz didn’t mind talking with Penny. They had become good friends in their own right and got along just fine. Even when Simon wasn’t with them, there wasn’t any awkwardness in their conversation. But tonight was different. Baz was on edge and Penny was hiding something.

“You know,” Baz began, “this was Snow’s idea…this date night. And he can’t even be bothered to show up on time.” Baz’s annoyance was turning into anger. He clenched his jaw and inhaled a sharp breathe before continuing. “If he can’t be bothered to arrive on time or at least let me know himself that he was going to be late, then I can’t be bothered to stay and wait around.”

It was 8:25.


	4. It's Show Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOVE ALWAYS FINDS A REASON (Love Always Finds a Reason by Glenn Medeiros)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhHSuxcYRzM

Chapter 4

It was 8:25.

5 more minutes before Simon had to hit the stage. He wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers as he paced backstage. “Just a few more minutes, Simon,” Marta called out interrupting his thoughts. Crowley…how did Simon ever think he could pull this off…

“I’m leaving.” Baz stood up and began to put on his coat. “You can let Snow know that I’ll just see him at home.”

Penny began to panic. She had one job and that was to keep Baz from leaving. “You can’t go, I’m sure he’ll be here any moment. Just sit down Baz!” She tried to reach for his wrist to try and pull Baz back into his chair.

“Enjoy the rest of your evening,” Baz spat back at her then gracefully strode out of the lounge before Penny could get a grip on him. Penny had one job…and she failed. Simon was going to be heartbroken.

8:28

Baz barely made it out onto the sidewalk in front of the lounge when he realized that he left his cell phone on the table. He reentered the lounge just as the emcee announced, “Welcome to Open Talent Night at the Avenue! We are delighted to present our first performer, Mr. Simon Snow!”

Baz couldn’t believe his ears; did he just say Simon Snow?! Baz hung back for a moment in the bar area where he could get a clear view of the stage. When Simon stepped out onto the stage into the spotlight, Baz’s breath hitched. His boyfriend was so fucking beautiful. Simon’s beauty made Baz’s heart race and his eyes tear up. The stage lights created a halo effect around Simon’s bronze locks, enhancing his beauty.

Baz was so confused; what was Simon doing on stage? What the hell was happening? The emcee’s voice broke into Baz’s thoughts.

“Simon, what talent will you be sharing with us this evening?”

“I’ll be singing, ‘Love Always Finds a Reason, by Glen Medeiros.” Simon nervously replied. He scanned the audience and immediately spotted Penny. But his heart almost broke in two when he didn’t see Baz sitting with her. Holy shit! Did he leave already? His panic was interrupted by the music that was starting to play. No time for nerves, he was standing on the stage with all these people expecting him to sing. “I’d like to dedicate this song to my boyfriend, Baz.” He inhaled mightily... “Baz, I love you.” Then he heard his cue and began to sing….

 

LOVE ALWAYS FINDS A REASON (Love Always Finds a Reason by Glenn Medeiros)  
(Simon)  
_Sometimes I think of me and you_  
_And every now and then I think we'll never make it through_  
_We go through some crazy times_  
_And there are times I wonder if I'll keep loving you_  
_But I always do_  
_Seems that love always finds a reason_  
_To keep me here believin'_  
_When I feel our love is slipping away_  
_Seems that love always finds a reason_  
_To make me stay_  
_And even through the darkest night_  
_The feeling survives_  
_Seems that I can just look at you_  
_And I find the reason in your eyes_

Simon’s sweet voice carried through the venue. He was no longer nervous; he didn’t even realize that he was still on stage, singing in front of at least a hundred people. Simon kept his thoughts on Baz…on how much he loved him, how his heart still skipped a beat when he was near, how he still melted in Baz’s arms whenever they kissed or embraced…even after all these years. Simon was still so in love.

  
Baz couldn’t believe what was happening. He knew Simon could sing. Sometimes, he’d stand outside the bathroom door and listen to Simon sing in the shower. Simon was always too shy to sing in front of others, especially in front of Baz. But this courageous prat was now standing on stage, on display, singing his heart out…for him. It was almost too much for Baz’s heart to handle. He recognized the song once he gave himself a moment to actually listen. It was one of his favorites. A love song from the 80’s. It was a song he often would put on repeat. But the song was a duet; was Simon going to sing the whole song by himself?!  
Once the second verse complete, Baz realized the next verse was for the second singer. Simon was going to sing the whole song by himself…that's when Baz made a decision and slowly made his way towards the stairs on the side of the stage...

  
_I know sometimes you wish that you were free_ , Simon continued…

  
Before he could continue with the next line, Simon heard a familiar voice join his. It was as if he had conjured up Baz with the thoughts of him that were swirling his head and heart. He was speechless…luckily Baz was next to him, reaching for his hand… stepping up to the microphone, singing the next verse.

 

(Baz)  
_I know sometimes you wonder what you're doing here with me_  
_But something keeps you by my side_  
_Through everything, through all the times we disagree_  
_You keep loving me_  
_Seems that love always finds a reason_  
_To keep me here believin'_  
_When we feel our love is slipping away_  
_And it seems that love always finds a reason_  
_To make me stay_  
_And even through the darkest night_  
_The feeling survives_  
_And you know when you look at me_  
_You'll find the reason in my eyes_

Time seemed to stop. Simon could barely see in front of him because of the tears in his eyes. For Baz, the rest of world seemed to have fallen away. It was just him and Simon, in this moment, on this stage, singing together…expressing their love for each other.

Simon stepped closer to Baz, joining him in the last verses of the song…  
(Simon and Baz)  
_whoa-oo-ooh-ooo,oh_  
_Love always finds a reason_  
_To keep us here believin'_  
_When we feel our love is slipping away_  
_Aren't you glad that_  
_Love always finds a reason_  
_To make us stay_  
_And even through the darkest night_  
_The feeling survives -- oh ..._  
_Love always finds a reason_  
_To keep me here believin'_  
_When I feel our love is slipping away_  
_And it seems that love always finds a reason_  
_To make us stay_  
_And even through the darkest night_  
_The feeling survives_  
_And you know when you look at me_  
_You'll find the reason in my eyes_  
_I find the reason_  
_I find the reason, oh ..._  
_I found the reason in your eyes ..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left to tie up loose ends!


	5. Love Always Finds a Reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! I hope you enjoyed my first venture into SnowBaz fanfiction! I hope to have another fix up soon, so stayed tuned!

Chapter 5  
At the end of the song, Baz closed the gap between his body and Simon’s and planted a soft, lingering kiss on his lips. He then placed his forehead on Simon’s and released a sigh of happiness. He felt so unbelievably happy and loved, he thought his heart would explode. He thought something was exploding but he realized that it was just the thunderous applause of the audience they forgot was there. The boys turned to face the audience and gave a slight bow. They both noticed Penny still in the audience with tears running down her face...she was so proud of them. They walked off stage hand in hand and once they were backstage, Baz attacked Simon with a heated kiss, and ran his hands thru Simon’s luscious hair; Simon ran his hands thru Baz silky black hair.

After a few moments, they realized that 1.) they were still backstage and not in the privacy of their flat 2.) they were both still crying and 3.) they needed to catch their breaths.

“I can’t believe you did that for me,” Baz whispered, gazing lovingly into Simon gorgeous blue eyes. “Is this the ‘project’ you’ve been working on all week?” he asked with a smirk and perfectly raised eyebrow.  
Simon simply nodded, his forehead still pressed up against Baz’s.  
“You know, that’s one of my favorite songs.”  
“Yes, I know. That’s why I chose it. It fits us,” Simon said, a small smirk playing on his lips.  
“How so?” Baz inquired with a quirk of his eyebrow.  
“No matter what happens, the good stuff, the bad stuff…our love for each other is the reason we work, the reason we fight to stay together, to make things good between us.”  
Baz exhaled a sigh of contentment.  
“It’s been like this from the very beginning,” Simon continued softly and Baz pulled away to look into Simon’s eyes. “Even when we were at Watford, hating each other, or so we thought, it was really love that keep drawing us in to each other.”  
“Snow, you thought I was always plotting,” Baz teased.  
“You were plotting, Baz. You were plotting on how to kiss me, weren’t you?” Simon countered with a giggle.  
“I can’t deny that,” Baz said with a smile.  
Baz just had to know. “So….who is Martin really?”  
“He was my vocal coach,” Simon answered quietly.  
“Aliester Crowley, I’m so thick…I can’t believe…,” Baz’s voice broke as he continued. “I thought you found someone else. I thought you fell in love with someone else,” he choked on his words, fresh tears spilling forth from his eyes. He looked down, unable to look into Simon’s beautiful eyes.  
“How could you even think there would be anyone else but you, Baz?” Simon asked. “It’s always been you; it will always be just you…” Simon whispered as he cupped Baz’s face with one hand and attempted to kiss his tears away. Baz pulled away a little and shook his head slightly.  
“I don’t deserve you, Simon.”  
“Yes, you do. We deserve each other. Don’t ever think that you don’t deserve this...this wonderful life we share together. We deserve the love we have for one another. Don’t ever doubt that again.” Simon inhaled a shaky breath, willing Baz to meet his gaze.  
Baz tried to pull himself together, tried to stop the tears from flowing. After a painful moment of silence, he finally met Simon’s loving gaze. He carefully planted a chaste kiss upon Simon’s full lips and allowed himself to linger for just a moment. As he began to pull away, Simon placed his hand on the back of Baz’s neck, drawing the boy back into the kiss. This kiss became more urgent as Simon teased is boyfriend’s lips with his tongue.  
“You know, Snow,” Baz gasped, “we’re still backstage. I don’t know how much longer I can keep my hands off you, so unless you want to put on another _show,_  I suggest we make our way home so we can finish what we’ve started.”  
Simon pulled away, a smirk taking over his face. “Yes,” he answered breathily, “let’s go home, love.”


End file.
